Thinking about “Spiritual Fathering”

Spiritual fathering is an interesting topic.  Something many groups are hot about.
So I want to have a limited go at it…again.
Spiritual fathering is not necessarily :

• A “relationship” that can be recruited. Perhaps the very word  “relationship” is totally overused and therefore begins to lose meaning.  We have a relationship with our bank, our doctor (who might remember our name, or not; [he did read the chart before he came in the room]), our employer, our paperboy, our next-door neighbor, our spouse and Dr. Phil.  Relationship describes a sense of “connection” that exists on some level for a period of time.  (My bank advertises itself as “The Relationship People.”  Right.)

Like any genuine relationship, spiritual fathering is multifaceted – emotional, spiritual and physical.  There is an emotional bond between spiritual parents and those they father.  It is either the result of “spiritual birthing” (when someone leads someone to the Lord and disciples them to maturity) or “spiritual adoption” (when someone chooses – or are chosen by – a spiritual “parent”).  It seems to me that there is a great deal of confusion about the “fathering” connection.
My friend Henry Orombi, current Archbishop of the Church of Uganda, told me he hardly knew his father.  Henry grew up in a polygamist household as the youngest son of his father’s third wife.  He was a “son” but basically had no “relationship” to his father.  I think Henry said he was one of seventeen children.  He was one of a group who bore the bloodline and the image and even the DNA of his father, but he had no quality relationship with him. He said to me that he grew up never really knowing his father although they lived on the same compound.

Spiritually I believe this happens also.  I know groups and networks of churches who claim the same DNA, but who have people on their roster of “sons” just as names and ministries.  No real “relationship,” or heart-felt (opps, subjective!) sense of connectedness.

Can we confuse pastoring with fathering?  Are they the same thing?  What about “apostolic fathers” – in the 21^st century sense – what is their role?

• Any overbearing authoritative male relationship.  Just because someone critiques your life, your motives and your choices, and just because he “hits it” so often that it’s scary doesn’t mean he’s you spiritual father. Just because he’s a powerful, controlling and opinionated church leader does not qualify him as your spiritual father.
  
• About big names and religious politics. Often people like to give you their pedigree to impress and give credence to their words or ministry.  (I guess they feel it’s like they’re selling a horse and they want you to know that there is a derby winner in their bloodline. They might look like a nag, but there’s a Seattle Slew in there somewhere.)  And of course they have biblical precedence for doing this – the whole generational Abraham, Isaac and Jacob concept.  It’s not about big-guys, big-names, big-ministries needing to father little guys.  Little guys can and should be fathers, too.  And pedigrees are not really that important.  It is the relationship after all.
  
• The cure-all relationship.  There are other relationships in the church.  A few years ago in our NoBrand Retreat, we spend time discussing the need for every man to have three levels of masculine relationships: father (elder) relationships, peer (brother) relationships and disciple (son) relationships.  All are necessary for a balanced and dynamic spiritual life.  When we only have one level, we get unbalanced and do not mature beyond a certain level.

Spiritual Fathering should be:

• Both spiritual and emotional.  It is a “felt” bond between father and child.  It is genuine because it is spiritual.
  
• On-going. But with varying levels and dependencies.
  
• Fulfilling and challenging. Not debilitating and overbearing. Spiritual fathers are not about controlling another person or using them for their own agenda.  True spiritual fathers are not about co-opting their “children’s” dreams, visions or spiritual gifts for their own use.  They’re not about what can I get from this person, but much more about what can I give to this person in order for them to experience their own fulfillment and place in God’s Big Story…
  
• A validating and confirming relationship that sets the course for your life.  I am blessed that I know who my spiritual father actually is.  So here’s my linage (filled with spiritual Seattle Slews and Sea Biscuits):
  • My spiritual father – Jimmy Smith
    • He retired as associate pastor at New Covenant Church in Valdosta after various ministry "incarnations".  He was the youth guy at Northside Baptist in Valdosta when I was in college and God invaded my life…
      
    • Jimmy awakened vision and passion in me and set me on a course of seeking and knowing God…
      
    • Jimmy affirmed me as a “man of God” – though young, untried and ignorant…
  • My discipler – Joe Glenn Smith
    • He is different form my father.  He took me to another level in maturity.  I worked for him, pastored storefront/cell church with him and learned from him as I served him…
      
    • Joe Glenn taught me discipline me through discipleship.  Phyllis and I were with him and his family almost every day.  We did things together – some spiritual, many not.  We traveled together.  We had time together – laughing and crying.  He taught me how to dig into the Word and how to hear the Spirit..
  • My pastor/apostle – LA Joiner
    • We’ve walked together for years through thick and thin…
      
    • LA has taught me grace, commitment and transparency…
      
    • LA affirmed me in ministry and released me into an expanding ministry…
• A vision-enhancing relationship.
  • I think a true fathering relationship is chaordic in nature…Chaordic is a word invented by Dee Hock, former CEO of Visa.  He says this:
    • Chaordic… Any self-organizing, self governing, adaptive, nonlinear, complex organism, organization, community or system, whether physical, biological or social, the behavior of which harmoniously blends characteristics of both chaos and order…

“Leader presumes follower. Follower presumes choice. One who is coerced to the purposes, objectives, or preferences of another is not a follower in any true sense of the word, but an object of manipulation.  Nor is the relationship materially altered if both parties voluntarily accept the dominance of one by the other. A true leader cannot be bound to lead.  A true follower cannot be bound to follow.  The moment they are bound they are no longer leader or follower. If the behavior of either is compelled, whether by force, economic necessity, or contractual arrangement, the relationship is altered to one of superior/subordinate, manager/employee, master/servant, or owner/slave. All such relationships are materially different from leader/follower.”

This has gotten way too long.  More later… maybe.

Red flags of fear

We live in a fear-driven world.  And the opposite of fear is faith.

Politicians and news media are in a love-affair with Fear.  They love to tell us what to be afraid of day in and day out.

What are we told to be afraid of:

• North Korea
• Taliban
• Democrats
• Republicans
• Left-wing
• Gays
• Homophobes
• Recession
• Climate change
• Liberals
• AIDS
• Right-wing
• Foreclosure
• Conservatives
• Muslims
• Inflation
• Water
• Banks
• Terrorists
• Fundamentalists
• Fox News
• CNN
• Personal fears… fear of failure, fear of exposure

I think we live in a world of fear.

Even in the Church.  Fear eats our faith like a kid eats chocolates.  Like a hungry hound licks his bowl.  Like those South American fish in a feeding frenzy.

What are we afraid of?  Mostly everything it seems.  Seems we are afraid of the world in which we live.  All the "isms" eat our lunch and cause us fear: terrorism, secularism, fundamentalism, globalism, pluralism.

We are weak in theology, belief-systems, world-views and therefore afraid of challenges.  Comfort in thinking and believing and experience makes us weak when we are challenged.  Our theology teaches us how to deal with guilt, but not with shame. Or with fear.  We are afraid that someone will die.  And as I once told my daughter, "There are worse things than death..."

Living in fear is worse than death.  Living afraid is harder than dying.  Constant emotional and mental fear is bad.  Debilitating.  So many things to be afraid of... so little time.

Unfortunately, we in the West are often part of an fear-driven church.  (Some church leaders base their whole ministry on fear!  Yikes!)  And the church is not supposed to be that way.  Hey! we’re a “faith-based” and faith-driven entity.  Or we’re supposed to be!

The world around is is driven by fear of the possibility.  For example, a few weeks ago I sat in a hotel room and watched the news media go crazy after a story came up about unexploded parcel bombs.

The opposite of “faith” is not “doubt” – it’s “fear.”

But faith has to be grounded in something that is genuine and real.  Faith can’t be grounded in the concept of faith or the possibility of God.  Real faith must be tied to a certainty of hope.

Sometimes, we preach fear by telling people about the result of their sin without giving room for the Holy Spirit to present a Savior.

When there is a red flag of fear, there is a an opportunity to rally faith!  Yes! bad stuff will happen.  People will get sick, lose jobs, experience loss.  Bad stuff happens.  But we serve a loving and caring God.  And faith is often counter-intuitive.  Faith is often believing for the best in spite of the ever-looming worst.

Mark Twain said something like this: “Faith is believing what you know ain’t so.”   But I say: No! Faith is believing what you know in a way beyond sensual understanding is so, in spite of what the situation and circumstances and news commentators say!

When there is a red flag of fear, there is a an opportunity to rally faith!  Real faith is tied to the certainty of a real Jesus and the reality of His redemption, His Presence and His care.

And yes, I’m talking to you… and to me.

Leading to make leaders…

Just read today:

If you Google “leadership development” you get 7.5 million results.  If you search on Amazon you get over 65,800 books. Type in “leadership development” into YouTube and you have access to over 5,000 videos.

We live in a leadership crisis.  Who can lead a nation out of war, when the war is against unseen foes who are not as concerned about taking “territory” as they are about taking “minds?”  Who can lead selflessly when most people have such great deeply ingrained self-interests?  And what does real 21st Century leadership look like anyway?

And how do you develop leaders?

In the Church we have a leadership crisis too.  Or maybe it’s a “follow-ship” crisis – depending on where you stand.  There is a great divide in the minds of many between those “in leadership” and those – who by definition – are “out of leadership.”  So for many, “leadership” is an elite status.  Which causes problems when we think in terms of “priesthood of the Believer” – which is a very NT concept. But all that is another story. (I’m writing about this “Man Up the Mountain” idea in my in-process book which will come out sometime before Jesus returns. I hope.)

Maybe it’s because many “in leadership” have sold their birthright/inheritance as leaders for a “mess of pottage.”  Moving from being a spiritual leader actively engaged in God’s Mission and the spiritual formation of others to become CEO of “Church Inc.” – the purveyor of religious goods and services – has left many “leaders” stranded, alone and hungry while the church – those “out of leadership” – is stymied, impotent and weak.

Perhaps the CEO mentality came into play when churches set up boards to meet 501c3 non-profit requirements.  Perhaps it’s about power.  Perhaps it’s about management of multi-million dollar empires that include bank accounts, property, investments, electricity bills, staff salaries, retirement fund, Social Security and legal parking lot sizes.  Nonetheless, it’s there and can present a problem when attempting to be “spiritual.”

Leadership is always a hot-button topic when I comes to church, but leadership is indeed biblical.  Even if “leading” means leading people who are told to follow the Holy Spirit on their own…

Some years ago while teaching on another subject at a seminary in Cairo, Egypt (where there was no concept of managing a "church parking lot”), I was asked if “leadership” is even a biblical concept, since we are all “priests.”  My reply was to look at a passage from Hebrews:

Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you. (Heb 13:17 KJV)

I said we can call them an assortment of things: rulers, watchmen or accountants.  But I said, “I choose the word “leaders” as a sort of 20th Century compromise.”  Sorta like the NIV does.

Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you.  (Heb 13:17 NIV)

In his letter to the Romans, Paul says that leadership (proistemi) is a gift (charisma):

We have different gifts, according to the grace given us.  If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith.  If it is serving, let him serve; if it  is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.  Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. (Ro 12:6-9 NIV)

Here Paul gives a grocery list of all sorts of things he characterizes as charismata – grace gifts who by Christ have been formed into a Body:

• Prophesying
• Serving
• Teaching
• Encouraging
• Contributing
• Leadership
• Giving mercy

Here the definition is one who “stands before” and is to be received by grace, exercised in faith evidenced by governing diligently (spoude).

From my vantage point there are at least three types of leadership:

• Positional – a matter of title, position, placement or hiring that give the privilege of speaking, ruling and decision-making
• Relational – a matter of developed relationships that give authority to speak and lead
• Spiritual – a gift from God

Each of these function in the church.  Each of these are useful and some are culturally defined.

The latest definition that I’ve found is from Ken Blanchard’s Leading at a Higher Level:  

Leadership is the capacity to influence others by unleashing their power and potential for the greater good.

It sounds like a Bible-kind of leadership and carries the idea of empowerment with it.

So here’s my brief take:

• Leadership is a biblical concept and the kind of leadership given is very important… both to the People of God and to God Himself.
• Church leadership must be shaped by the values of the Christ and not completely shaped by the culture.
• Leading is part of a gift mix acquired by grace.
• Leadership is about keeping watch of people’s souls not about position.
• The Greek word used here means to stay awake – to be sleepless – and results in giving an account of that watchfulness either with joy or grief…
• Jesus is the example.  Anyway you cut it.  And if you read the Gospels looking carefully at Jesus’ leadership style, it might mess up the whole CEO mentality.

More later… maybe.

Chasing the dream…

Nick and Laura Rousey are great kids - out there chasing the dream!  His: to serve God by playing the PGA and provide for his family.  Laura's: to serve God, have a family and home and teach 8th grade kids English.

And the cool thing is that Laura has laid aside some of her have-a-family, own-a-house dream

Nick and Laura Rousey – chasing the dream and remaining faithful!

s to allow Nick to pursue his dream of professional golf.  As this video shows, pro golf is not all glitz and glamour.  Often, more guts than glory! 

And when school’s in, Laura’s home doing a job, making a paycheck while Nick’s on the tour. Big old sacrifice here for both of them!

Nick and Laura were in our “Flipping Through Philippians” study earlier this year and I was able to hear their dreams and hope and disappointments.

But they are the kind of folks who are worthy of of our prayers.  The Hooter’s Tour is possibly not the most godly atmosphere.  Probably not like sitting in a “Flipping Through Philippians” Bible study.  But Nick talks about remaining faithful to God (and Laura) and being a true witness to his peers as he travels and plays.  He’s told me of real-life conversations with other golfers that bring tears to my eyes.

Nick and Laura are my kinda 21st Century heroes.  Serving Jesus in the real world driven by a passion that they consider a gift from God.

So, how about you and me?  Are we driven by a passion from God?  Are we "sideliners" in the game of life?  Are we willing to sacrifice for our dream? 

My prayer for Nick and Laura is that they win it all and give all the credit to a great and mighty Jesus!

Randomness

Lots of stuff going on in my head this last week before Christmas.  So in no particular order, here goes:

• Reading The Medici Effect by Frans Johansson.  It is about innovation and creativity and was suggested by Alan Hirsch.  I’ve enjoyed reading over the thoughts and ideas.  If you like Malcolm Gladwell (Outliers, Tipping Point) and Seth Godin (Tribes) you’ll like this.  You can get a free e-book here.
• I was impressed at a whole line of people at the GIVING KIOSK at Harvest Church this Sunday.  Harvest meets in the Rave Theater before the movies begin and having the kiosk in the lobby looks pretty normal.  One of the dilemmas of 21st Century church is the fact that people carry neither cash nor checks but use debit and credit cards for almost all transactions.  (Debit card transactions account for $37.9 billion or 35% of all non-cash transactions – 13% more than checks.)  It was cool to see people lined up to GIVE!
• Following the message I heard yesterday, I was re-reading a blog post I did from January - Epiphany 2010 - about the Magi. I think it’s worth a read even now at Christmas 2010. You can go here to read it.  I think the Magi are real indicators that God is active among all peoples and that we must share the Gospel at all times with all people.
• I have learned that if you unload the bottom rack of the dishwasher FIRST, you won’t have water from the bottom of cups dripping into the spoons.  It seems that I’ve been doing this manly task more often recently than in the past.  So, always in a learning mode (smile), this is what I’ve learned.  And as a teacher, it’s just one of those things that I thought needed passing on. (I know all women everywhere already knew this.  Don’t mock.)
• I enjoy listening to Pandora.com. It is a wonderful listening experience.  Right now I’m grooving to Handel’s Hallelujah Chorus but earlier have listened to Trans-Siberian Orchestra, New Orleans Jazz and worship music. 
• Globe’s Institute for Global Ministry (IGM) starts 4 January and this year we will have several virtual campuses.

Idolatry and Discipleship...

My good friends Bill and Imbi Kinnon (who happen to be Canadian, but please don't hold that against them, or envy them - whichever the case may be) have this video interview with Chris Wright.  It's part of a larger work on leadership that's currently being edited.  I look forward to seeing the whole thing!

Chris Wright is my new hero.  His books The Mission of God and The Mission of God's People are fantastic and give language to what I know to be true.  He seems to be a real down-to-earth guy with an understanding of God's Heart and Mission.  Here Chris Wright repeats what I have said over and over and over. (So much so that people assume I'm a one-trick pony!) And that is: we need to - we must - we have to MAKE DISCIPLES.  The "transfer of the Faith" requires intentionality of investment in others.

Dear children, keep yourselves from idols. (1 John 5:21 NIV)



Confronting Idols & Making Disciples from Bill Kinnon on Vimeo.

Tim Keller talks about Counterfeit Gods...

Introduction to Counterfeit Gods from Redeemer City to City on Vimeo.